


Homemade Gifts

by fourtypercent



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourtypercent/pseuds/fourtypercent
Summary: For my crack pals, I've been meaning to share some of my dumb ideas and horrible writing style with you.This was completely written on one over night shift, I have probably too much free time, this is the result.No beta, not edited, grammar errors a plenty, probably some spelling errors, too.Enjoy!
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Homemade Gifts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thwippersnapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thwippersnapple/gifts), [Amburrito](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amburrito/gifts), [TinyHannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyHannah/gifts), [kn0pa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kn0pa/gifts).



Noctis was spoiled. Oh Six, was he spoiled, and being a prince of the land had little to do with it. 

He was spoiled by his dearest friend and confidant, Ignis. 

Ignis was studious, a man of habit, predictable to a fault, constant craver of all things caffeine, and a dual welder of the sharpest eyes and daggers in all of Eos. He was perfect. 

He had but one fault, his never ending love of his prince. 

The perfect man, the owner of the pair of the sharpest green eyes settled many fights with his puns, uncouth sass, and his charm, it earned him many names behind his back and a never ending supply of praises and Six awful nicknames. 

But, none of that mattered. What mattered was the happiness of Noctis. 

He also loves cats, but that's another story. (He can't wait to go home to spoil his cat, smartly named Raymond, such a sassy lad)

Ignis rarely spoke of his personal life. In his humble opinion, work was work, and he could do as he pleased outside of work. Some of the ladies he dated were lovely, and some were down right horrid.

But, let's go back to Noctis, shall we?

Noctis and his best pal were sitting in art class, they took their jackets off and placed them on the back of their chairs, and rolled up their sleeves. Noctis tucked his tie into his shirt, and Prompto loosened his and wore it backwards.

"Nerd," Noctis said as they were given a lump of clay.

Prompto sunk his fingers into the soft surface, and stuck his tongue out, "At least it won't get dirty."

The teacher instructed they were to make a cup, bowl, or vase using rings of clay, she demonstrated and showed the class how to blend the layers. She showed pictures of ancient vases and water jugs made by this method, some of which Noct's family owns to this day. 

They got started.

It wasn't as easy as the picture had depicted. The ones that Noctis was careful not to bump in the twisted hallways of the Citadel were perfect, his looked like something a five year old kid crafted. He looked over at Prom, his was shaped like a pyramid, wide at the base and narrow so you might fit a single pen or pencil in it. Oh, and it was wobbly and mishapened. It was a hot mess.

They laughed at each other's creations, some of the girls behind them batted their eyes at Noctis, anything to have something he made. Eye roll. Nah, this lumpy mess was going to Ignis. He sacrificed so much for him, he deserved a gift from him. Iggy was a sucker for thoughtful homemade crap.

They finished their creations and let them air dry, they would be fired in a weeks' time. 

~Sponge Bob voice over 'One week later'~

"You brush this on your pottery and once it dries, it will get fired. Then, you can paint it. Depending on the paint, when it gets fired again, it might be glossy or it will be matte." 

Wooosh!

That information went right over Prompto's head. Fire? 

"Fire is hot, does she mean it'll get baked?" Prom asked Noct. He replied with a shrug.

They finished their pottery, Prompto's blew up in the kiln, and took out two other's work. Good thing he has Noct as his buddy, he didn't want to be bullied for something out of his control.

"It blew up because you didn't get rid of the air pockets," the teacher explained. 

He ended up with half marks, putting a clay pyramid in a kiln probably isn't the best idea.

Noctis brushed a white gloss on his lumpy pot thing, he tried to add a handle to the side, but the clay at the time was too mushy and it collapsed. When he got it back after being cured, he ended up with 72%, it was ugly as sin.

He carried it to its new home that afternoon. Him and Prompto took the long way. The undercover Glaives behind them didn't blend in. After he walked Prompto home, he headed to Iggy's place. 

The doorman let him in and unlocked the suite for him. Perks. He dropped his school bag by the door and looked around.

Iggy was a neat freak. His books and CDs were alphabetically organized, his shirts in his closet were organized by shade (their is quite a shade difference between iris and violet, and charcoal and slate), not a single dirty dish was in the sink, and the towels in the washroom were hung up. 

Nerd.

He heard a curious meow. A grey cat rubbed its head on his leg. He placed his lump on the island and picked up the cat. He scratched under its chin and saw a collar with a bow and an ID tag, it said Raymond.

"Ha, Iggy named you Raymond? That's so like him." 

Raymond looked at Noct with his two different coloured eyes, and wiggled out of his arms. Raymond landed with a soft 'thunk' on the floor. Noctis noticed he was wearing a white shirt and a grey vest.

"Seriously? Raymond, come here!" He caught up with Raymond and took the stupid shirt and tie off of him. 

Once Raymond was free of his dumb outfit, Noctis poked through the cupboards and found a can of beef catfood. He plopped it in a glass bowl, like one you'd use for cereal or ice cream, and placed it on a monogram mat.

He was satisfied with his good deed. He gave a thoughtful gift to his pal, fixed his cat from looking stupid, and even fed him. 

"Damn, so many good deeds!" he placed his hands on his slim hips. 

He rummaged through Iggy's desk and found some sticky notes and simply put: 'Cat haz ben feed. Luv U long tyme', ya know, just to mess with him. He did not put who the gift was from. Iggy's intuition has to be good, he's been dealing with Noctis forever.

Let's see what ol Iggins is up to, shall we?

He sneezed, violently.

"Bless you," Gladio stopped by for an afternoon coffee. 

"Thaa aaa," he sneezed again.

"You okay, Iggy? You look pale." Gladio smirked. Ignis only sneezes when Noctis is up to no good.

"I'm fine" he lied. A cold sweat ran down his back. He needed to leave and do damage control. NOW.

"Where was I?" Gladio took a long, loud and bloodly annoying sip of his coffee. He looked over at Iggy and saw him sneeze again.

"We can continue another time," Gladio stood up, he walked away and laughed. He was too easy to bug!

He sat at his desk, alone. His office was quiet, just the way he prefered it, but it seemed like the walls were closing in on him. His eye twitched, he ran from the room. Not just run like you're catching a bus, no. He ran like a marathon runner. 

He never did track, but now he values the specks of a good runner. He'll never run his nose up on Prompto's smelly sneakers again, his boots were not specifically designed for running. 

He slipped and skidded down the halls, he needed to get home, stat! Decorum be damned. He cut off Monica in the hallway, she dropped her folders in the process. Papers went everywhere. 

"Screw you, Lady, I'm in a hurry!" he yelled behind him.

He rushed home as much as the bumper to bumper traffic would allow. His trip usually took twelve and a half minutes, today, for some unknown reason, took eighteen. 

The doorman greeted him and tried to tell him something, but Ignis had no time. He dashed past him as fast as his long legs would allow, which was pretty fast, indeed, and took the stairs. He ran up ten flights of stairs before he stopped and caught his breath. He pushed himself for the last nine stories and limped to his suite. 

His welcome mat was out of place.

Who was here?

Did he get robbed?

What did they take?

Is Raymond okay?

He took a few breaths and tried to calm himself. He regained focus and unlocked the door after adding no less than half a dozen scratches to the keyhole. 

Something was different.

But what?

He saw Raymond's shirt, vest and tie on the floor. 

"Raymond. Here kitty, kitty!" 

Raymond flounced around the corner and licked his lips, "There you are. Did you remove your clothes?"

Raymond meowed. 

Iggy went to the kitchen to see if anything was taken. Everything was in place except a can of wet food was left opened with the fork still in the can, some food splattered on the counter and the cupboard where he keeps his dishes was open.

They fed his cat?

He saw something new, it had a note under it 'Cat haz ben feed. Luv U long tyme', the penmanship was horrid. The thing on top was worse to look at. 

Was it a cup?

Was it a bowl?

He didn't touch it until he found a zipper freezer bag and put it in the bag. He held it up while it was in the bag, and saw some tool scratches on the bottom. It was packed with so much paint he would have to literally chip away at whatever this lumpy thing is and see if he could make anything out.

Bingo. A solid clear fingerprint. He put the freezer bag lumpy thing in a padded cooler bad and headed back to the Citadel.

When he arrived, he went down to a secret forensics sector and requested a finger print identification. He gave the name of the school where Noctis attended and lingered around for the results. 

Moments later, a life time if you were Ignis, the machine pinged. A one hundred percent match. He looked at the computer screen, "You have got to be joking."

Noctis stretched, it had been a bit too long since he sparred with someone who wasn't Gladio. Ignis held up his practice daggers and did a few easy warm ups.

"Iggy had invited the three of us to his place after we are done today. Be prepared to eat like that dummies dad," Gladio bumped Prompto and told him the good news. 

"Sweet!" Prompto smiled, "Hey Iggy! What's on the menu tonight?" 

"Nouilles bouillies avec viande et sauce végétarienne avec pain à l'ail étouffé dans cinq fromages fins." He replied.

"Uhh, sounds good." Prompto replies uneasily. He looked to Gladio to see if he understood anything that was just said. Gladio shrugged.

When they arrived at Iggy's, the smell of fresh garlic hit them like a heat wave. 

"That… smells. . Awesome!" Prompto wiped the side of his mouth, he was salivating.

They made themselves comfortable and Raymond came out for a visit. He was back to wearing his shirt, vest, and bow tie, but today's colour scheme was black. His collar was different, it was black with small metal finished skulls on it. 

He jumped on Noct's lap and snuggled in for a cuddle. 

"Dude, that cat likes you," Promptly was quick to point out, "He's dressed like a dork!" 

"Now, Raymond doesn't make fun of you, Prompto. Be nice." He placed a tray on the coffee table filled with an assortment of drinks. Noctis felt sharp claws as he tried to move. 

Ignis turned the oven on and put the tray of garlic toast in, "Oh bugger, I forgot an important ingredient, I just need to nip out for a moment. I'll be back before the toast is done."

With that, the three were alone in Iggy's apartment. 

"You two," Gladio pointed to the two of them, "Don't. Touch. Any. Thing." He drank his beverage and got up to look around. 

Noctis was stuck on the couch with the cat on his lap, so for once, he was listening. Prom got up and followed Gladio around. They laughed at the collection of salt and pepper shakers, gasped at the rare books, and laughed at the ugly lump that has a single lemon in it. How did the lemon fit in there? It had no room to budge, it wasn't coming out until it would turn.

"Hey Noct, didn't you make this?" Prompto picked up the bowl/cup thing with the lemon and showed it to him.

"Yeah, didn't expect him to actually use it for a lemon!" he laughed and pet Raymond as best as he could. Stupid outfit. He should re-leave him of the burdon of wearing it, just like last time. He closed his eyes for a quick nap.

There was a crash. 

"Way to go, butter fingers!" Prompto raised his voice.

"Me? You picked it up!" Gladio replied.

Noct snoozed on.

"I also put it back!" 

"What are we going to do? Ignis will be back any second!" Gladio panicked.

The door opened, as if on cue.

"Yes, what will you do?" Ignis asked. The shattered remains of the lumpy gift was gathered in a pile on the counter, the lemon sat beside it.

"It was his fault!" Prompto pointed a finger at Gladio. At least Gladio stands a fighting chance against Iggy, Prompto is nothing but skin and bones.

The three looked down at the broken remains. What will Noctis say when he sees it? 

The bickering woke Noctis up. Raymond got bored of the human that fed him a whole can of delicious wet food once (and now he sees him for a second time, he gets nothing? Rude.) and jumped down and wandered down the hall and found himself on his special made Kitty sofa. 

"What's going on?" He rubbed his eye as he saw his three pals arguing. 

Prompto turned away, a dead giveaway that he knew and didn't want to say anything.

"Guys? Come on. Tell me." Noctis urged as a timer went off.

"Noct, I'm so sorry. Raymond must of jumped on the counter and knocked your gift to the floor. You know how cats are," Ignis explained. 

"Oh." 

"Yeah dude, I saw him jump up but it was too late." Prompto could not maintain eye contact. 

"Ugh, yeah." Gladio added unnecessarily.

"I could make another!" Noctis smiled. 

"Would you? It was so precious to me. I only wish you would have told me it was from you when you dropped it off." Ignis tried to sound sympathetic.

Awww, they were happy and Ignis would be gifted so many more ugly cup/pot/bowl things that he could squeeze lemons into. But for now,

"Hey, what's burning?" Gladio asked.

Smoke billowed from the oven, the garlic bread was ruined.

They ordered pizza and watched movie, idk. 

~fin

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, the Citadel has everything, including a forensics lab.
> 
> Ignis said 'Boiled noodles with a meat and veggie sauce, and garlic bread with five fine cheeses.' Just say spaghetti with sauce and garlic bread, you dummy! 
> 
> I don't know what the lumpy mess was supposed to look like, just imagine something like how I described. Fuck ugly, and something only Ignis could see the appeal of. One day Thwip posted that they were making ugly bowls and shared a pic of it, this idea spurred from there.
> 
> Kitty sofas are real and they're damn cute, I know all your kitties would love them
> 
> Raymond here specifically for Amburrito, I know how much you love this cat I know nothing of <3


End file.
